#TuckEverlasting #NatalieBabbitt #august #summer #otherworld

I’m thinking about #ActuallyAutistic and the book #TuckEverlasting .
About how I never grow older, but everyone around me does.

I’m 53, but I’m stuck at 14. I never had the drive for dominance requires for adulthood. I never wanted to do a business or make a real estate. I shunned them.
All I’ve ever wanted to do is sit in my room, listen to music and draw, and maybe come out occasionally to show people my work. My greatest ambition has merely been to have a dog of my own.

I don’t have any structural support. I am the lone figure you see on the side of the road, walking to their job. I know someday a car will hit me, and people will say I deserved it for walking, for never growing up to learn to drive, for never growing up to buy a car.

I knew, when I lived in NYC, that that was my only window of opportunity, to make a name for myself, to use my art as a way to say “I matter”. Obviously, I should’ve died there, so I could be remembered as a success, but I didn’t realize there would be ZERO opportunity once I left. Now it’s just a downward spiral of failure, I have no way to stop it or slow things down.

I am so sad and helpless.