Another day with the beast. #tyrpg #MonsterFuckers

Day 11

Oh, to be alive and in love! It has returned to me! What an embarassing fool I am, and how grateful that it will never know my shameful assumptions of its motivations! I will not pretend to understand how, but we are soon to be mothers! I don't think I have ever used so many exclamations in a single paragraph!

When I arose this morning, or afternoon as the case may have been, groggy and teetering between despondency and determination, I made it all the way to the kitchen before realizing that that miserable silence of yesterday had vanished as suddenly as it had appeared. I ran upstairs with such furious joy that I am confident that I broke a toe on my right foot on the second step, then carried my momentum with no hesitation, guaranteeing that two were broken on the impact with the final step.

Waiting inside was my love, no longer flinching and hiding but sitting in its usual place in front of the door. And this was my turn to hesitate. I slowed my pace and summoned some composure, stepping cautiously and giving it plenty of time to retreat as I approached, verbalizing my fears and my admiration, probably in vain. And as I did so, it gently reached out, grasping me in its arms but clearly keeping me at a distance that left me comforted but concerned. Then as it slowly allowed me closer, I saw what seemed a large knot of arms held close to its nucleus. My first instinct was that it was guarding a wound it had received in its time away, which was partways true. But then the arms swirled away from it, as an opening flower, revealing what at first look like a large, discolored wart. As it guided my hand to the nearest section of slimy exterior, what I was looking at finally clicked: it was cell dividing.

What's more, this was the only place on its body with hair, and in the light brown of my own. I don't know exactly the nuance of my own feelings, but I knew that I had every intent of participating in the raising of this child. It would have a strange but loving home.

And after this tearful exchange, it made love to me with a cautious gentleness that felt like either an apology, a fear of hurting me, or a general weakness from beginning a new life within itself. It was everything to me and gave me an opportunity to be in closer proximity to our sweet future baby. Afterward, I slept like I never had before and awoke refreshed in a way that I hadn't since our first night together. It was incredible!