Every time I find myself filling with rage at a white peer’s racism, I make sure I pause and turn to look at myself. What of this objectionable and harmful attitude or behavior makes me angry because it is familiar? How much is the rage coming from a sense of justice and solidarity? #WhitenessRecovery

Jesus. The dog whistles in this podcast. What feels like overt racism in my body but would be plausibly deniable... this guy. "Anti-woke," saying the message that "standards should be lowered" is objectionable (NO ONE IS SAYING STANDARDS SHOULD BE FUCKING LOWERED). Okay. Enough of a lunch break. Back to work. Steamin' mad. #WhitenessRecovery

But, my god, the podcast she shared as an example of how what I think Black people are telling us white people ("do the freakin' work, white people, break down systems & get through your personal denial crap that blocks change!") isn't really "what Black people are telling us" begins with the Black host talking about being at an event where other Black people were agreeing with him which he said was very unusual. So. Even he was saying more Black people disagree with him. #WhitenessRecovery

In the name of "open dialogue" I'm listening to a podcast my friend suggested after telling me she thinks that how I describe "what I hear Black people telling white people" doesn't match up with what she's hearing. In just the first five minutes I have... some notes, let's say.

I might vent here on mastodon, as I surely can't let loose with my friend. Strategically, since I believe she still has the potential to come along on a more just path, I need to not slam doors.
#WhitenessRecovery

Breaking the rules of white supremacy culture (I just talked about my money concerns with a peer and that is NOT something "we" do) makes me wibbledy gibbledy in my gut. #WhitenessRecovery

It's also challenging being "the person who won't shut up about this stuff" bc the people who it seems to me are fighting against their own denial and cognitive dissonance see me as the source of this discomfort.

I remind myself how hard it was when I first started facing my own struggle to "not be racist." I had to google racist stereotypes to uncover what I was fighting against in the back of my brain.

#WhitenessRecovery

It helps me to write about this, because it helps me to remember that other white people’s responses to my talking about transformational change is *their* response. It’s not really about me. It’s hard for me to feel like I’m making someone else feel uncomfortable. I’m doing it anyway, because the actual fate of our earth needs a lot of us taking part in radical change.

Practice understanding the difference between discomfort and danger has been essential in my #WhitenessRecovery.

I saw this #TikTok last night that really spoke to what I experience as a white person in healing and with/from other white people when we are talking about our part and upholding #WhiteSupremacy /#RacializedCapitalism
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRt6QvAv/
#WhitenessRecovery

Recently, I had the experience of sharing with a large group of mostly white people (there may have been a Black person present, but I was on zoom not in person, so I don’t know) about the call to transform our racist systems, I may have referred to racialized capitalism. How changing things requires imagination and faith. I got feedback that what a lot of people heard was “you should feel guilty.“ Nothing like what I said.
#WhitenessRecovery

when faced with the realities of racism we white USA’ns often have the response, “I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about that.”

when I hear that response, I hear “I am feeling discomfort, and I want to make it stop. It’s too big and my nervous system is dysregulating. I need this to stop. I need to have an explanation for this so I can stay ‘safe’ in denial. This is a matter of life and death.”

I hear it that way, because I experienced it that way.

#WhitenessRecovery

I try to remember to tag my "white person talking about racism" posts with #WhitenessRecovery so if Black people or Indigenous people or other people of color are tired of it/don't want it on their timeline, they can block it out. I also use it hoping that other white people who are trying to break free from whiteness might use it to connect with each other.

And also. It was so fucking exhausting. Talking with a friend about DEEP stuff (her objecting to the idea that our white land owner roots and "rugged individualism" plays an important role in our present-day situation, forex). I suggested The Sum of Us by Heather McGhee https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/564989/the-sum-of-us-by-heather-mcghee/ to her bc I think she might be open to this framing. Talking with a friend AND strategizing about when to call out racism when to let things slide for future conversations. So tiring.
#WhitenessRecovery

I was telling my 13 year old about this racist guy with the "It's okay to be white" sign and I said, "I mean, nobody's saying it isn't." She said, "That's not the house that's on fire." My kiddos have knowledge and experiences I didn't have. It gives me some hope.

(Also, saying another white person is #racist isn't something I do often. All of us white people in the USA are racist in the sense that we benefit materially from the racist systems we live in.)

#WhitenessRecovery

I've emailed him about it (we write together quite a bit) and suggested he might address some of the complicated/harmful pasts of some of the environmental heroes he mentions. He addressed the selection of the title of his first book, Brother Earth, beautifully and I think he could do that with Muir, Thoreau, and some of the other problematic guys. I think I'll share this with him: https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/environmentalisms-racist-history
#WhitenessRecovery #Racism #Environmentalism #AgingParents

"...They fail to understand that they must separate their white race from their white minds, which will always struggle under the current system of whiteness, to fully see non-white people as their equals."
#WhitenessRecovery

Nothing but Truth with a capital T here. We are in dangerous times. "Racists and allies: Strange bedfellows" https://blackgirlinmaine.com/current-events/racists-and-allies-strange-bedfellows/
#WhitenessRecovery #Allies #BlackLivesMatter #antiracism #USA #Maine

@serenebabe @friendsjournal at the library where I work, we do a land recognition of the tribes that owned the land. Small recompense I guess.

But the issue of reparations to formerly owned slaves— it’s an important step that should be taken. I wish it could occur on a national level. Ta-Nehisi Coates‘s call for reparations was probably the most compelling and best argued recently (oops forgot the hashtag above) #whitenessrecovery

@serenebabe @friendsjournal decided to start with this article. I thought it was very good & thoughtful. I did find it interesting that Duncan didn’t note that the land the Quakers settled on was stolen land- that all land that we are living on was inhabited by the Native Tribes that lived here first & perhaps that should also be included in reparations. The Mennonite churches I belonged to discussed this some- recognizing they built their wealth on land that had been stolen #whitenessrecovery

Wonderful essay on transgenerational #reparations, written by a #Quaker in @friendsjournal https://www.friendsjournal.org/reparations-and-transgenerational-healing/

A friend shared it with me when I reached out for support after having some frustrating experiences in my own Quaker community.

Holding many seemingly conflicting truths…

#WhitenessRecovery

Thinking about how Resmaa Menakem https://www.resmaa.com/about talks about white body supremacy using “bodies of culture,” “white bodies,” and “police bodies.”
#SomaticAbolition #WhitenessRecovery