Monday is a good day to give a little #MentalHealth update.

I have started #TherapeuticWriting a while ago and started writing my #AutoBiography. So a few days ago I did some research on #WritingTherapy. Aparently there are no psychotherapists in Vienna that offer writing therapy, but I found one coach that does it as a thing you can do besides therapy. She works at an institute with lots of psychiatrists and psychotherapists and since I'm looking for a new psychiatrist and a new therapist I went there to have a talk with one of the psychiatrists.

He was very nice and seemed very competent. He said I had 4 options to improve on my medical treatment. I already take a lot and he said taking more of what I have or exchanging pills with similar one probably won't have any effect. So these are the 4 things he said could help with my therapy-resistent, chronic #depression:

1. Mirtazepin - another pill I'd take in the evening which would improve my situation but make me fat (I'm already fat from taking Seroquel for a while - 30kg more than my target weight)

2. Lithium - would also help, but has a low therapeutic margin, so I'd have to have my blood checked every week to adapt the dose

3. Ketamin - a "party drug" I'd get administered in a hospital where I'd have to stay for a few hours. You usually get a few treatments and then you're good for a while until you need another treatment

4. Electroconvulsive therapy - basically shock treatment that emulates epileptic seizures which are proven to help with depression. This is the most invasive, but also the most promising procedure when it comes to long term effects.

So I decided to go through with electroconvulsive therapy.
I'll have to be administered to the hospital for a few weeks and I don't know when that will be yet.

Also I'll start #PsychoAnalysis and the writing coaching in that institute as well as two group therapies soon.

Depression, I'll beat you!

#NotJustSad #DepressionSucks

@Cassandra I did this the other day… every morning I write my morning pages à la The Artists Way.. a few days ago I decided to write a letter to my adult son who I am having a very challenging time with… and in those four pages I let go! It’s a game changer… no more ruminating, no more inner turmoil. Highly recommended. #writeyoursorrow #writetoletgo #writingtherapy I will set aside one day a week for a letter in my morning pages. See where this takes me.

I have very little drive these past months, but today I forced myself to start writing again. So far it seems to be bad for me - I'm currently writing about the time when the love of my life drifted away from me.
I guess there is a reason why I stopped writing months ago.
Anyway I'm also really excited to finish the story and release it as a book. I think parts of it are really good. Other parts I still have to rewrite.

#writing #book #WritingTherapy #depression #love

I am no longer on the surface
bobbing my head up and down
swimming in the push and pull
I am underneath
suffocating slowly under the current’s swell
and begging for release
I am drowning in this abyss
blinded by the darkness
searching for any gleam of light
And I am coming undone
lost and alone
I fall to pieces
and I drift away
— XxMMT

#poems #poem #poetry #poetrycommunity #write #writing #writingcommunity #writers #poets #depression #writingtherapy #creative #coping